| (no subject) |
[Mar. 28th, 2008|12:43 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
Ok, so apparently that last entry really DID get posted, so I ended up just posting it...twice.
I can't believe it's been 15 weeks since I've written in this. Where the hell have I been?
Last time I wrote I had just finished a quarter. Now I have, once again, just finished a quarter. I think I overall liked this quarter better, because there wasn't a single class I didn't like. Last quarter I didn't LOVE my seminar by any means. This time I did. Of cousre I only had two classes this quarter, and no Swedish, so I wasn't as stressed out and rushed as I was in Fall. Which. Was. Nice.
Andre came over yesterday. I think it was the most daydreamy visit he's ever paid me, and it's made me feel like I regained some of that depth I felt I was lacking for so long, sparked a little bit of music in me, a fiddle in the wings somewhere. We just stayed in my bed the whole afternoon and snuggled and kissed and I think he actually held me tighter than he has in years, or at least tighter than I remember in the recent months. One of the best afternoons in a very, long, long time.
My Spring Break is already over on Monday. I am taking:
Novel to 1832
Later Shakespeare w/discussion
Honors Research Seminar
It will quite possibly be one of my busiest quarters yet, but my last quarter stuffed with classes since I will have so few classes to take after these before I hit my unit max. So I guess it will be my last FULL TIME quarter. I wish ucla would give me more units though, so I could take more classes that would help me on the gre :/
Oh, and my friends Ben and Andrea are engaged. So. Weird. I've know them since we were 16 and some of our friends, like Andre, have known them even longer. Even though it's strange, I am still giddy that I get to get dressed up for a WEDDING :D
It's only three months into the year, but....*sigh* I hardly know what to expect next, in good ways and bad ways. I just don't want things to change too fast. |
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| (Entry written 3 months ago, apparently saved in "drafts" instead being posted..?? |
[Mar. 28th, 2008|12:42 am] |
Yayy!!! My seminar paper was turned in today at 3:25 exactly, more than an hour before it was due. I think that must be some sort of record.
Because most of my finals were this week and my seminar was the last one, my work on that kept getting deferred so I was doing a bulk of my writing in the past 24 hours. I worked on it for almost four hours last night, and then got up at 5 AM this morning and worked straight through until almost 2. Yesterday I had my Swedish presentation, which I felt so bad about because I botched it. I choked on the recitation because I got too nervous. Then the girl that went after me actually SANG her song from memory like freaking Barbara Streisand. But when I talked to my teacher after he said I still did great.
I got sick this week, so that slowed me down. Bad timing, but I think I did okay considering.
I had my Chaucer final on Wednesday. That was TOUGH. It took all but three minutes os the class time. Blue book. I wont miss anything about that class except the Professor. She is so sweet and funny. You have to give credit to anybody that makes The Canterbury Tales amusing.
On Wednesday my Swedish class "invaded" the Vikings class. It was set up ahead of time. My teacher, the Vikings teacher, and my class (consisting of 7 students) knew about it ahead of time. But the Viking teacher's students didn't know. So my Swedish class ended early, and we all walked over the Kinsey Pavilion where the Vikings class is. It was in a fairly large lecture hall sort of room, shaped kind of like a movie theatre, with the door entering at the top of the seats, which descend down into a sort of pit where the teacher lectures.
My teacher Eric gave Paul and Laila viking hats with the horns, and fake swords since they were going to "lead" the invasion. He also taught us this Swedish fotball chant to use during the invasion. Honestly, I did NOT want to do this. Most of my classmates were also reluctant, but you'll do anything for Eric because he's just so enthusiastic and supportive of everything and anything we do.
The directions from the Vikings teacher went as follows: burst in, run down to the pit, grab anything you can, write "Sverige!" on the board, and get out. Oh, and grab a few people too if you can.
Yes, grab PEOPLE. It sounded ridiculous but funny because....who does that?!
So anyway. We went over to Kinsey, and first Eric got a picture of us by the inverted fountain. So then we got to the entrance of the Vikings class and went over our plan again.
Then, with Paul and Laila leading, my class lead a VIKING INVASION. Of course during the actual invasion, we were half chanting, half laughing, not exactly sure what to do. But afterward I came out of it thinking....that's the funnest thing I've EVER done for a class.
When we burst in, chanting "Han Hun Hen, Han Hun Hen!", we immediately started running down the stairs toward the Vikings instructor. She was in character, screaming "Who are you! What are you doing here! Class, we're being invaded!"
Then Anne Marie ripped some newspaper in half then went over to the board, erased what was there, and wrote SVERIGE! on it which is just Sweden in Swedish. Paul grabbed a bunch of books off the instructor's desk, and I think a waterbottle. The others in my class grabbed various things, all chanting while doing so. I grabbed a folding chair, lifted it up, and followed the rest of my classmates back up the steps and out the door. The Vikings class was a little stunned at first, but by the time we left they were all laughing. There were a LOT of students in there, more than I thought there would be. It was pretty packed.
When we were done we were all so adrenaline pumped. I said, "that was so much more fun than I thought it would be!"
I was glad we didn't start invading the wrong class. |
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| Viking invasion |
[Dec. 7th, 2007|06:11 pm] |
Yayy!!! My seminar paper was turned in today at 3:25 exactly, more than an hour before it was due. I think that must be some sort of record.
Because most of my finals were this week and my seminar was the last one, my work on that kept getting deferred so I was doing a bulk of my writing in the past 24 hours. I worked on it for almost four hours last night, and then got up at 5 AM this morning and worked straight through until almost 2. Yesterday I had my Swedish presentation, which I felt so bad about because I botched it. I choked on the recitation because I got too nervous. Then the girl that went after me actually SANG her song from memory like freaking Barbara Streisand. But when I talked to my teacher after he said I still did great.
I got sick this week, so that slowed me down. Bad timing, but I think I did okay considering.
I had my Chaucer final on Wednesday. That was TOUGH. It took all but three minutes os the class time. Blue book. I wont miss anything about that class except the Professor. She is so sweet and funny. You have to give credit to anybody that makes The Canterbury Tales amusing.
On Wednesday my Swedish class "invaded" the Vikings class. It was set up ahead of time. My teacher, the Vikings teacher, and my class (consisting of 7 students) knew about it ahead of time. But the Viking teacher's students didn't know. So my Swedish class ended early, and we all walked over the Kinsey Pavilion where the Vikings class is. It was in a fairly large lecture hall sort of room, shaped kind of like a movie theatre, with the door entering at the top of the seats, which descend down into a sort of pit where the teacher lectures.
My teacher Eric gave Paul and Laila viking hats with the horns, and fake swords since they were going to "lead" the invasion. He also taught us this Swedish fotball chant to use during the invasion. Honestly, I did NOT want to do this. Most of my classmates were also reluctant, but you'll do anything for Eric because he's just so enthusiastic and supportive of everything and anything we do.
The directions from the Vikings teacher went as follows: burst in, run down to the pit, grab anything you can, write "Sverige!" on the board, and get out. Oh, and grab a few people too if you can.
Yes, grab PEOPLE. It sounded ridiculous but funny because....who does that?!
So anyway. We went over to Kinsey, and first Eric got a picture of us by the inverted fountain. So then we got to the entrance of the Vikings class and went over our plan again.
Then, with Paul and Laila leading, my class lead a VIKING INVASION. Of course during the actual invasion, we were half chanting, half laughing, not exactly sure what to do. But afterward I came out of it thinking....that's the funnest thing I've EVER done for a class.
When we burst in, chanting "Han Hun Hen, Han Hun Hen!", we immediately started running down the stairs toward the Vikings instructor. She was in character, screaming "Who are you! What are you doing here! Class, we're being invaded!"
Then Anne Marie ripped some newspaper in half then went over to the board, erased what was there, and wrote SVERIGE! on it which is just Sweden in Swedish. Paul grabbed a bunch of books off the instructor's desk, and I think a waterbottle. The others in my class grabbed various things, all chanting while doing so. I grabbed a folding chair, lifted it up, and followed the rest of my classmates back up the steps and out the door. The Vikings class was a little stunned at first, but by the time we left they were all laughing. There were a LOT of students in there, more than I thought there would be. It was pretty packed.
When we were done we were all so adrenaline pumped. I said, "that was so much more fun than I thought it would be!"
I was glad we didn't start invading the wrong class. |
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| "What, like it's hard?" |
[Oct. 7th, 2007|07:44 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sick | ] |
So far the school year has been 75% pain in the ass and 25% cool.
Getting used to an ultra-early schedule was tough, especially since we had my little cousin for a day and a night and that night's opportunity for sleep turned fruitless. Then I came down with a cold starting late Wednesday, and ended up hitting me pretty hard on Thursday, Friday, and Yesterday. I am a little better today, but my cough is worse. I had so much homework this weekend just between Chaucer and Swedish, but I did most of that today and it didn't turn out as difficult as I thought it would be. I still have to finish the Swedish homework, but it's not due til Tuesday so I am okay.
I caught "Legally Blonde" on cable today. It was exactly what I needed to pick me back up again.
The good parts of my school-year so far involve the people. I am back to seeing Marina semi-regularly and I've also had opportunities to spend time again with Mike and Pricilla. I spent a few hours with Bus Alex too, who is *Again* considering breaking up with his girlfriend. I told that to Jay (remember him, who I liked so much a long time ago, who liked me too but was allergic to relationships?) and he made a jealous comment about me hanging out with bus alex. Well, who's he to be jealous? He has no stake on me....nobody does.
Interesting development: Remember my Romantic Lit crush Steven? He's back! I thought he had graduated and was long gone to grad school by now...but no! I saw him on Thursday. I don't know if he saw me, but I'm pretty sure he did. I was coming into one building, and he was coming out, then we both sat down in the same courtyard to eat. I was with Pricilla, and I pointed him out and she said "Wow he's hot! Oh, oh, look there's another one! He has a friend!" so it became our running joke the rest of the day that we were going to marry both of them and they just didn't know it yet. Yes, we are in fact still twelve-years-old :D
My Swedish class is cool so far. There are only nine of us in the class, and our instructor Eric Krisstenson is very nice and enthusiastic. I've learned a LOT in 10 days, although it became very overwhelming this past week.
I like my Chaucer teacher. She is so funny....."If the movie has horses, knights, and mail, I'M THERE"...."A Fablieu goes something like this: they were horny, they got some, they're happy....in those exact words"...I have to memorize the first 18 lines of the Canterbury Tales general prologue by November 7th, the day in which I go to her office hours to recite those lines to her...in the ORIGINAL MIDDLE ENGLISH. She's tough, but she's a good....she's very good.
I am suddenly not feeling so good again, so I'll continue later. |
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| randomness! |
[Sep. 24th, 2007|10:53 pm] |
1. Are you into anyone?
sure
2. Have you kissed somebody in the last 2 weeks?
Do you mean romantic kiss, family kiss or gay best friend kiss? The latter is really more of an air kiss, cheek to cheek.
3. Who was the last friend you were with?
A whole group of friends really
4. Miss someone?
sure
5. Hows your ex doing? Do you care?
He seemed to be doing pretty good on saturday
6. Is there someone you want to fight?
sure, in a friendly competition way, like I wouldn't mind boxing with anyone I know
7. Are you loyal?
Yes, I consider myself loyal to people who are loyal to me
8. Song playing?
No song playing but I have the Dancing With The Stars theme in my head :D
9. What are you doing tomorrow?
Going to hospital in the morning to get my heart monitor put on, then watching a movie with Alex in the evening while eating hot wings from Red Wing Cafe
10. Do you know what sodomy is?
yes and it's now legal in Texas
11. Whats annoying you right now?
Nothing really I'm pretty peaceful
12. What does the 12th message in your inbox say?
lol thats not for anyone to know
13. What does the 12th message in your outbox say?,
see above
14. Did you eat a cookie today?
No, I haven't had a cookie since last friday
15. Would you prefer someone who is romantic or spontaneous?
Spontaneous, a lot of sappy romantic things drive me batshit
16. Are you tired?
a little since I worked out
17. If somebody liked you right now, what would be a cool way for them to tell you?
Email or a letter, not to my face unless you KNOW I like you back
18. What kind of socks do you have on?
white short ones, but I like muh things short
19. What color is the shirt you are wearing?
grey
20. What will you do Sunday?
ummm........how would I know so soon in advance?!
21. Who was the last friend over at your house?
I can't remember, it's been a few weeks
22. Who are you planning on going to Homecoming with?
HOMECOMING?! You have GOT to be FREAKING kidding me
30. Do you like books?
dur
33. Do you clean up nice?
yep
35. What were you doing at midnight last night?
waxing my mustache :P
36. What was the last thing that made you laugh?
my dog
37. What is your favorite kind of gum?
grape
38. When did you last eat pizza?
You mean greasy pizza? It's been weeks.....if you mean the healthier goat cheese pizza then last week
41. How many rings does it take before you answer?
lol.....do you think I have a premeditated amount of rings just to be cool? Do I have to choose a round number or can I pick up on a half-ring?
42. Honestly, do you have a friend that you dont like?
Some I have no liked intermitantly, but in general I like all my friends
44. Are you multi-tasking?
Yes, I am eating cheese cubes, sipping a liiiittle "grape juice", IMing and filling out this quiz
45. Who was the last person that you commented?
Chrissy?
46. Called anyone a bitch today?
not today, no---tomorrow, perhaps!
47. Are you someones best friend?
yep
48. Did you ever date the last person you kissed?
yes technically
49. What is your natural hair color?
something dark but I haven't seen it in years
50. What are you excited for?
Dancing with the Stars, school to start, seeing my friend Matt, and eating my goat cheese pizza |
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| saturday and other musings |
[Sep. 24th, 2007|02:47 pm] |
Dancing with the Stars premiers tonight!!!!
Dancing with the Stars premiers tonight!!!!
I am so excited.
But I'll be taping it since I am going to try a kickboxing class tonight. I watched the class last week through the window, and thought it looked cool. I've always had this attraction to kickboxing, but never really pursued it. My brother might take it with me.
School starts on Thursday and I got all my books in the mail, so I'm ready.
I went to Ben's birthday party on Saturday at Andrea's house, and it was so much fun. The first hour was a little slow, but it was all better after that once more people arrived. Here are some highlights, facts or embarassing moments from the party:
1. The people who attended were Ben's entire family (sisters Victoria and Joanna, brothers Tim and John and his parents), Andre, Jeremy, Jenelle, Julio, Danny and his best buddy and constant companion Rudy (they go everywhere together, and right now they are both enjoying their dance classes...cute!), Lonnie, Andrea and her mother and brother, and Tim's friend whose name is currently alluding me.
2. I fell...Twice. The first time Julio was sitting in the chair next to me, and kept trying to get closer and closer, so I kept inching further away from him, and eventually inched one inch too far and fell off my chair. The second time I was crouching down near the really low coffee table to reach a chip while holding my plate in the other hand. Apparently I have horrible balance so as I was reaching, I toppled over, landed hard on my knees, and started to fall forward with the plate balanced precariously in my hand, but twisted myself so I landed on my ass instead of my face. If I hadn't been reaching for food when it happened, it just wouldnt have been so embarassing.
3. I was playing this virtual baseball game, and Andre and his brother Jeremy were the team captains. Jeremy picked me for his team first thing, then when I made a point, he ran over and threw his arms around me, and shouted "I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!"
4. Andrea didn't invite stalker Michael (who has been in the group longer than I have) knowing how I feel about him and the ways he recently began to go too far (showing up over and over again, writing weird letters and leaving flowers even though I was explicitly clear those things weren't welcome). I was grateful she took my feelings about the situation into consideration, since she hasn't always taken my feelings into consideration in the past.
3. The carrot cake.
4. Getting gun-loving Lonnie good:
Lonnie: Yeah I really wanna get me one of those AK 47's but the problem is getting them over the California border.
Me: What makes an AK 47 so special, though?
Lonnie: You can shoo up to 300 yards away, yep!
Me: Wow. But what use would you have for that?
Lonnie: Self-protection, man!
Me: Okay. But wait.
Lonnie: yeah?
Me: If someone is 300 yard away, how do they pose a threat to you? I mean, you said you want it for self-protection.
[my comment followed by total SILENCE]
5. The chocolate-covered cashews I brought went faster than any other food there :)
6. I got Ben a singing birthday card with a picture of Fonsie on the front that sings the theme to "Happy Days" when you open it.
Tomorrow I have to go to the hospital at 11 to get this 24-hour heart monitor put on. Apparently it involves "straps" and a "fanny pack". The doctor prescribed it bc of my irregularity last time I went in. Since there is no way I'm going out anywhere wearig a fanny pack, Alex is going to come over and we're going to watch a movie and eat buffalo wings :) Yay. |
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| I absolutely can't fucking believe he responded |
[Sep. 10th, 2007|09:18 pm] |
Hi Amanda,
Don't worry, I don't feel as if you're harassing me or anything.
(You're not,
are you?) ;)
To be honest I was pretty confused myself back then. You're right, I
had always
loved Constance, but at the time I hadn't been able to talk to her for
various
reasons for almost a year and was starting to wonder. So I wasn't
entirely sure
what to do when I met you. I was kind of divided, but eventually I
decided to
wait and see. It turned out for the best. Who knows where things could
have
gone if I had looked the other way, I'm not even going to think about
it since
it's such a mess of possibilities and my head is already starting to
hurt just
thinking about thinking about it.
Anyway, I don't have any problems with you contacting me as a friend,
it's
always nice to keep in touch and God only knows I have few enough
normal
friends as it is. (One of the drawbacks of being home-schooled I
guess.)
How's your life going anyway? Still at UCLA? Find someone special yet?
Anyway, the best of luck to you in wherever life takes you.
Sincerely,
John |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 1st, 2007|02:29 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  busy | ] |
I've read quite a bit in the last three days from my GRE Lit prep list. This is my progress since Wednesday:
10 cantos of Dante's "Inferno"
"The Story of an Hour" by Kate Chopin
"The Minister's Black Veil" by Nathaniel Hawthorne
"Everyday Use" by Alice Walker
8 chapters of Hemingway's "The Sun Also Rises"
4 more chapters of Flannery O'Connor's "Wise Blood"
Various poetry by Edgar Allen Poe, Robert Browning, Robert Frost, etc
The O'Connor book actually isn't on the GRE reading list, but I'm reading it anyway since I've worked my way through so many of her short stories. Once I finish the novel I want to finish the rest of her Complete Short Stories so I can say I've officially read *all* of Flannery O'Connor's fiction.
I also have to finish "Out of Africa" and "Madame Bovary" which have been put on hold. |
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| baby dream |
[Aug. 31st, 2007|11:02 pm] |
I had this dream last night.
I dreamt that I was pregnant---really big and pregnant. Ready to burst. I was in an outdoor hospital (??) and there was a flood, and the hospital was located on a plantation.
I gave birth, but my baby was still in its placenta. The doctor said, "it's better for your baby to stay in the placenta for now, so it can grow a little more and become healthier when its finally exposed to the world."
So it's like I had this baby but it was enclosed in a balloon'type thing.
Why oh why do I dream things like this?! |
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| I wanna be just like you---look up the lyrics |
[Aug. 26th, 2007|01:23 am] |
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I saw Big Bad Voodoo Daddy at Hollywood Bowl last night. It was AWESOME. They play swing music, and come up with their own original tunes too. Very very nice band :D |
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| Books/Plays I've read since Janruary |
[Aug. 9th, 2007|03:19 pm] |
Since apparently I have little else to do at this time, I compiled a list of all the books and plays I've read in the last eight months. Most of the books/plays were required reading from my UCLA classes, but a few I just read on my own. I put an asterisk next to the ones that were NOT required reading, and the ones that were required reading stand on their own. This list does not include the poetry, short stories, philosophy or essays I've had to read in addition to these books and plays. I also put happy face symbol next to the ones I particularly liked.
1. The Awakening by Kate Chopin *
2. The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald * :)
3. Tender is the Night by F. Scott Fitzgerald *
4. The Alchemist by Paolo Cuelho *
5. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen :)
6. A Vindication on the Rights of Woman by Mary Wollstonecraft
7. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows by JK Rowling * :)
8. A Streetcar Named Desire by Tennessee Williams :)
9. Cat on a Hot Tin Roof by Tennessee Williams *
10. Long Day's Journey Into Night by O'Neill
11. Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf by Edward Albee :)
12. A Delicate Balance by Edward Albee
13. The Zoo Story by Edward Albee
14. Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett
15. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead by Stoppard :)
16. Betrayal by Harold Pinter
17. Krapp's Last Tape by Pinter
18. Curse of the Starving Class by Sam Shepard :)
19. Buried Child by Sam Shepard
20. Night of the Iguana by Tennessee Williams *
21. M. Butterfly by David Henry Hwang
22. A Raisin in the Sun by Lorraine Hunsberry
23. The Piano Lesson by August Wilson
24. Angels in America by Tony Kushner :)
25. Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller
26. Night', Mother by Norman
27. The Homecoming by Harold Pinter
28. Giving Up The Ghosts by Cherrie Moraga
29. Miss Julie by August Strindberg :)
30. The Dance of Death by August Strindberg
31. A Dream Play by August Strindberg
32. The Ghost Sonata by August Strindberg
33. The Father by August Strindberg :)
34. Ghosts by Henrik Ibsen *
35. Running With Scissors by Augusten Burroughs * :)
36. Wishful Thinking by Augusten Burroughs * :)
I know there are some I'm forgetting, so I may add to this list in the coming days. There are a handfull of books I'm still working on, books that I am at least half-way finished with, like "Out of Africa" and "The Postman Always Rings Twice." Now that I'm through with the final Harry Potter book, I need to get back to my other mischellanious half-finished works. |
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| Strange things happen late at night |
[Jul. 30th, 2007|12:03 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  indescribable | ] |
Dear John Paul,
Now that I've started this letter, I
hardly know how to begin it. You must be busy,
enjoying your work and your married life. We've both
come a long way in the last several years, us old
Mission College friends. Now that you're married and I
know I'll probably never see you again, I think I can
finally tell you something I feel that I need to tell
you. Way back when, before I was at UCLA, and you were
married I did love you. I know you never encouraged me
to feel that way and I know you always loved someone
else, and I realize things turned out the way they did
for the right reasons. I was very young and now I've
moved way beyond it of course, but it did mean
something back then. I could go on about the reasons I
did feel the way I did, but that's not important
anymore. I do not expect an answer from you and I wont
attempt to contact you again. It's just something I
always wanted you to know at some point, and once I
decided to do it I knew I needed to do it right away,
or perhaps I would lose my nerve and would never tell
you at all. Anyhow, I just felt that I should put
things in order with some of my old LAMC friends, and
now that I've said what I needed to say, I'll say
good-bye and good luck in everything you do.....
~Amanda |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 8th, 2007|04:30 pm] |
| You Are Fall! | 
Thoughtful
Expressive
Creative
Poetic
Smart |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 8th, 2007|04:19 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  calm | ] |
I already registered for my UCLA Fall classes. I am taking three as usual, but I signed up for a fourth in case any of the other three are cancelled. I am taking the Chaucer: Canterbury Tales class and senior seminar for sure, but I will only keep one of the Scandinavian classes. This is what my schedule looks like, with all four classes:
MONDAY
Chaucer 2-3:50
TUESDAY
Elementary Swedish 10-10:50
Henrik Ibsen and the World Theater 11-12:50
WEDNESDAY
Elementary Swedish 10-11:50 (two hour language lab)
Chaucer 2-3:50
THURSDAY
Elementary Swedish 10-10:50
Henrik Ibsen and the World Stage 11-12:50
Modern British Tragicomedy Senior Seminar 3:00-5:50
For Spring quarter I managed to pull in straight A's :D
My summer class, Early Shakespeare, is going well so far. I really like the professor and my TA. The professor is hilarious and the TA is really sweet. So far we've read Titus Andronicus and Mid-Summer Night's Dream. On Wednesday we're hearing the Measure for Measure lecture. I usually hate Shakespeare, but I like the class.
Right now I'm almost finished with "Tender is the Night" by Fitzgerald and "Madame Bovary" by Flaubert. Both are really good books. I am also working on Denisen's "Out of Africa", which I may have to read for my Scandinavian minor eventually. So yes, I have lots to read. |
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| I like! |
[Jul. 2nd, 2007|10:04 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  tired | ] |
You Are Most Like Liv Tyler
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“I don't want to spend so much time obsessing about myself.”
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 19th, 2007|02:00 pm] |
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I fucking hate school breaks. I can't wait for summer school to start, just a few days of relaxation is fine by me, I seriously dont need 10 days. And I wish everybody would stop fucking asking WHAT MY SCHEDULE IS THIS WEEK! I don't have a schedule!!!!!! So leave me alone!!!! |
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| the end of a pseudo-relationship and rocky horror dreams |
[Apr. 26th, 2007|02:48 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
I am at UCLA and back to being able to access wireless internet....thanks to Alex, who sat down with my computer for 40 minutes last weekend and solved all my internet problems. Genius.
At the moment I am between classes, drinking a cappucino blast and just feeling....restless. I can't study, I can't really concentrate, and I just feel a little out of sorts.
Last night I had a big confrontation with Jay. I was absolutely frank, even a little mean (for me). But I saw him today and things were okay, actually maybe even better, since now there doesn't seem to be that thing hanging between us anymore, that great unsaid thing. The giant electric pink elephant in the room.
Ever since the last time we hung out just for fun, he kind of dropped off the face of the planet. If we weren't on the bus together, he never contacted me....no IMs, no texts, no calls. All of this began after we started getting a little closer again, so I felt like he was pulling away, backing off, closing himself off emotionally. It was like he thought I was going to start "expecting" things again, which, honestly, I wasn't. I was enjoying having fun with him, entertaining that question mark as to if we would ever really get together or not.
So I confronted him about it because I wanted him to know he never has to feel like I expect a relationship from him, because I no longer do. I did a long time ago, but now I'm fine, now I'm enjoying not being tormented by him emotionally.
So I brought up the fact that he suddenly wasn't communicating with me outside of school anymore. He claimed that wasn't true, but then admitted it, but insisted it was only because he's been busy. So I said, "okay, let's just say that's the case, but I feel like you're thinking I'm ecpecting something of you, I know all about your not wanting a relationship with anybody now, I don't need constant reminding. I liked you, yes, but I no longer wonder or care whether anything happens between us"
He said he knows that I understand why he doesn't want any relationships.
I also told him, most importantly, that obviously I am not the right person. If I were the right person for him, and he liked me ENOUGH, as much as he claimed he did, he would throw out the no dating thing. That would immediately fly out the window.
Worst part is that he agreed.
I know I don't really strongly like him, I'm not crazy about him like I once was, but that just felt like a punch in the stomach. Of course, part of me wanted him to argue with what I said...or maybe all of me did.
He started to go on about what a great girl I am , how lucky somebody would be to date me, but I told him to stop. I said, "don't you do that to me, because I won't believe it from you right now, if you really felt those things about me, you'd be with me."
So he stopped.
The whole thing made me grow angrier at him, made me become a little spiteful. But everything I said, and everything he said...needed to be said. I needed him to admit that his feelings for me weren't as strong as heoriginally let on.
But you know what? My feelings must not be that strong for him either, because one week I like him and another week I am indifferent. That's not true when you really care about another person. So I guess him and I are really in the same situation regarding eachother. If I cared for him deeply, I'd still be as disturbed about it today as I was last night, but now I'm alright.
So after this confrontation at 1 o'clock in the morning, this is the dream I had:
I show up for my friend Andrea's party, but it's not at her house...I don't know whose house it is, but its a big house. Anyway, I ring the doorbell, and look down. I have forgotten shoes, and instead I am wearing really dirty over-sized socks only. So I go inside, and I have to borrow a pair of shoes from Andre's sister (I don't know why she had an extra pair of shoes with her, but she did).
So the shoes I had to put on were scarlett red 6-inch platforms....stripper shoes. So I am walking around in these stripper shoes, and I eventually discover that Andrea's gorgeous marina brother has become a woman, and he's there with his boyfriend.
So then, for some reason, I keep grabbing handfulls of Oreo cookies out of this big bowl. I don't even care about oreo cookies in real life. I kept dropping the oreo cookies on the carpet, then stumbling as I try to pick them up, thus stomping all over the cookies, turning them into crumbs all over the carpet. By the end of the dream, I have strewn black crumbs all over this deep maroon carpeting, but nobody notices.
Then I wake up.
WTF?!
I am an oreo-crunching, platform-wearing stripper who's realized that her former crush has had a sex change.
Oddly enough I am recalling the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Despite my Jay thing and the bizarre dream, my day has been good so far. I took the bus with Sandy and Pricilla, who I basically love hanging around with. We're all English majors, and they're so awesome and funny and smart, I can talk about anything with them. Jay got on the bus at his stop, and I thought it was going to be weird, but he stopped by the empty seat next to me and said, "well may I sit there?" and kind of smiled, and it was all okay. Since our conversation last night, things were actually better between us, more relaxed. You wouldn't think things would end up that way, but they did. So we all walked up together, got a seat in the northern lights patio place, where we always sit, Jay gave me a hug and went off to his class, Pricilla went to her class, and I spent the rest of my time with Sandy before my noon class. We talked, and then read quietly together.
Then I went to my criticism class, which was actually really interesting today. I actually enjoyed those two hours, and it helps that I have a good teacher. My friend Matt made me laugh. We had to read the section of the Hegel text called Lordship and Bondage (Sarah, I thought of you), and Matt said, "when I heard lordship and bondage, I thought---wow, that sounds exciting! but I start reading it, and it's nothing like I thought it would be!" True, it wasn't about whips and chains, but it was interesting nevertheless. I am set to study with a couple people from the class next wednesday, and I'm hoping we can organize another longer study session to prepare for the midterm on May 8th.
Anyway my laptop battery is almost dead so I better go. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 23rd, 2007|10:45 pm] |
Going to UCLA is funny. You never know who's going to be in your classes. I just figured out that this girl in my American Drama class is a Disney Channel star....Danielle Panabaker. I've only seen her on "Shark", though. I knew she looked like somebody I'd seen before, but it didn't hit me until I saw her on a Disney Channel commercial today (while I was watching...yes...."Hannah Montana"). Also, James Franco is in the class before my friend's English class, so she sees him everytime his class gets out and her class goes in. That same friend has seen Ruthie from "7th Heaven" around. I'm not obsessed about seeing actors/actresses in person, but it's cool when it happens.
I didn't get to read Stella's part from "Streetcar Named Desire" afterall. But the teacher felt bad that he didn't get to me, because he knew I was saving my volunteer time for that play...so he said I can pick any part I want in one of the upcoming plays. I think I'm going to pick someone from "Angels in American"... maybe Harper, the salty-tongued wife of the gay mormon lawyer. I am the only student from last quarter that continued with him this quarter, and I'm glad I did because I like this course much better than the last one. I'm pretty sure I want to write my senior honors thesis on Tennessee Williams, but I'm not sure what aspect of his work to cover yet. |
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| And I thought my whole midget thing was weird. |
[Apr. 19th, 2007|08:26 am] |
Ex-Principal Convicted of Sex Charge
He Kissed Boys' Feet to Settle Sports Bet
AP
LORAIN, Ohio (April 19) - A former principal who kissed the feet of three male students to settle a bet on a volleyball game has been convicted of a misdemeanor sex charge.
Robert Holloway resigned from St. Anthony of Padua School in this town west of Cleveland after the 14-year-old students and their parents reported the foot-kissing to police in February 2006.
Holloway told authorities he paid each student $15 and kissed their bare feet 50 times each in the school's library and gym to pay off the bet on a student-teacher volleyball game.
"They didn't think he would literally do it," police Sgt. Mark Carpentiere said.
Holloway pleaded no contest Tuesday to sexual imposition and unauthorized use of public property, also a misdemeanor, and was found guilty. He faces up to 15 months behind bars when sentenced in June.
"It's not behind me yet," Holloway said as he left court.
Carpentiere said 400 photos depicting adult foot fetish behavior were found on two school computers seized from Holloway's office. The photos depicted the scenarios that he had engaged in with the boys, Carpentiere said.
"This appears to be a legitimate sexual fetish that adults are into, which is fine," he said. "The problem here is he was engaging in this activity with juveniles."
Prosecutor Jim Walther said he was pleased Holloway entered a plea and that the victims were spared any further embarrassment. |
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| The midget....and I missed it |
[Apr. 16th, 2007|11:02 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  amused | ] |
astridchar: oh oh oh oh oh oh!!!!! the midget!!!!
astridchar: And i missed it!
sonic_sub_junki: ?
astridchar: ok
sonic_sub_junki: LOL
sonic_sub_junki: lol you and your midgets
astridchar: so pricilla sandy and I got a table in the courtyard today, and i went in to get lunch, i came back five minutes later....
astridchar: And pricilla and sandy told me there was this midget jogging, shirtless, and buff and tanned out
sonic_sub_junki: LOL
astridchar: anyway, he was running, leaped into a tree, climbed it, hopped on top of the soda machine, jumped off it, rolled, then ran off flexing his muscles like the incredible hulk
astridchar: AND I MISSED IT
sonic_sub_junki: lol
sonic_sub_junki: yeah i was just going to type taht
sonic_sub_junki: lol
astridchar: I MISSED IT!
astridchar: How often do you see that?!
astridchar: its like the aurora borealis
astridchar: except better
sonic_sub_junki: lol
sonic_sub_junki: and you missed it
sonic_sub_junki: lol
astridchar: yep
astridchar: all over a fiesta salad
sonic_sub_junki: lol like a blue moon
astridchar: yep
sonic_sub_junki: was it good?
astridchar: like an eclipse
astridchar: sure
astridchar: but not as good as a sweaty midget
sonic_sub_junki: tasty?
sonic_sub_junki: lol
sonic_sub_junki: LOL |
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